happy birthday andy.
(Source: ladisputa, via chin-up-babygirl)
I don’t want anything but a quiet life as a pretty young face with a soft voice and eyes that scream at everyone that I am a girl goddess chained down, restrained, and I’m mad in love, incurable. Heads will roll the day they take him from me; I tremble in fear for the souls who dare steal him.
%BDAY LIST SO FAR%
petite acoustic guitar
running shoes
longchamp purse
tempo track shorts
lilly dress???
this summer—
overtime
coffee
video chat
treadmills
grass
fake sun
gym shorts
weekends
road trips
downsizing
best-sellers
mangoes
colorblock
bleach
string instruments
hair care
rubbermaid
hippie hop
non-fiction
discovery
retaining
salads
updates
sweat
and patrick
naturally}
Energy is not created, it is not destroyed. It takes new form. We all know this but sometimes it is good to remember.
And so I step back out into the rain, I am swallowed again.
"i always have good days, tori; the world burns around me, so all i can do is just smile and enjoy the heat."
- patrick gerrits, romantic boyfriend extraordinaire
additionally, for the record
it’s not that i’m putting off taking any action regarding this threesome action that patrick is so eager for.
more accurately, i am still forever stung by his body’s persistent resistance to me, no matter how hard i work, no matter how much in the moment he allows himself to become…
i couldn’t stand it if the first time it happened was with someone else.
that would kill me inside.
additionally, when i playfully mentioned the idea that we might have one with he sam and myself, he commented that i was his, and that he didn’t want to share me.
the feeling is mutual! he belongs to me. no matter how much another man (in any context, especially one where he is also present) could please me better, i could never… he is my only. his innocence, his nude purity, all of this belongs to me and me alone. to see him inside of another girl, to watch someone else please him, even as i participated… i am so weak. i have so many fears. to see patrick happy is one ray of selflessness in my mainly selfish life. i lay here, lying even to myself, convinced that i would do simply anything to satiate him.
but it’s not true. i am so afraid. i cannot share him. i will not spare a single inch, i don’t believe i can.
from the start of my relationship with patrick
(and i mean the very start- that very first day)
everything seemed to move so slowly.
the wait for everything seemed to be forever.
we grew close, we touched, we did everything,
but it felt so slow. i couldn’t get there fast enough.
after he confessed to me, and then, after we said love,
it was everything all at once.
it was a flood, it flowed over me.
now it spreads over us like the sunlight in the morning.
i love him so dearly.
he needs me. he treasures me. he pines for me, craves my company.
that means the most.
that he loves me back.
it’s everything.
